Things Not to Do on Your First Day of Work

1. Arrive an hour late 2. Leave a half hour early 3. Read the newspaper until you are told what to do 4. Read the newspaper after you are told what to do 5. Play solitaire on the computer 6. Surf the Internet 7. Make personal phone calls, including long distance 8. Take a long lunch 9. Arrive back from lunch with alcohol on your breath 10. Arrive back from lunch drunk 11. Ask for an advance on your paycheck 12. Show up dressed as if you are going to the beach right after work

What To Do When It's Not Working Out

He may have started out okay. He had a car, a decent job, and took you out every weekend. Both of you were happy.   Then the problems begin. His car needs a transmission, which he can’t afford to buy. He junks it for parts. He gets laid off from work because the company is downsizing, and he was the last one hired. He is now on unemployment. He didn’t save a lot of money for a rainy day. He has credit card debt. So even with unemployment insurance, he is broke.   He wants to make a contribution to the household, so he begins by fixing breakfast, doing the dishes, cooking and cleaning the house, and does the laundry. He drives you to work while he looks for a job, then picks you up promptly every day. This doesn’t last long, as his frustration over not having a job and money diminishes his ego and self-esteem.   You try to compensate by allowing him more and more time to find a job. Because he has his own bills to pay, you pick up the household expenses for what you think will be a short time period. Months go by. He is now very comfortable with his new situation. He has stopped doing the chores around the house, and uses your car more and more for various suspicious trips. Slowly but surely, your money is his money, and his money is his money.   What to do? You need a game plan. Here is some advice for when your man becomes a dependent:   1.         A relationship is supposed to be give and take. However, if you are the only one giving and he is doing all the taking, you have a lopsided love affair. If the two of you can’t get to a meeting of the minds as to how to negotiate and equalize the situation again, even under different terms, the relationship is doomed.   2.         Discuss the changes in your relationship, and how it is affecting both of you. Do it before you get angry and he gets defensive.   3.         Communicate - Be specific about what you want from him. Write it down so you get your points in even if the conversation gets heated.   4.         Explain your expectations in the relationship. You may have to do this several times. Broke men without a car and money tend to hear only what they want to hear   5.         Treat him as a man with responsibilities to the relationship and the household. Don’t emasculate him during his down period. Let him have his dignity   6.         Make him continue to financially contribute to the household expenses at a lower level until he gets back on his feet.   7.         Don’t pay his cell phone bill. If he can’t afford a monthly bill, he should get a pay-as-you-go-phone until he gets back on his feet   8.         Let him use his own transportation – his feet. Or, make him pay for the gas and oil   9.         Don’t try to get him a job. He will resent the effort, and resist doing a good interview. Let him find his own job that he wants to do   10.       Give him a reasonable deadline to get his act together, then, stick to it. Put him out after giving him a thirty day notice   11.       Don’t stop going out or sit around the house with him all the time. Live your life.   12.        Remember – we are talking about a non-deserving man. Love doesn’t pay the bills. If he doesn’t care enough to get back in the game with you, he needs to go before you end up hating him, and disappointed that you didn’t do any of the things discussed here sooner rather than later.   Good Luck with Your Plan!

Just My Opinion

* Fear is the #1 killer of dreams - T.D. Jakes * I think comedian Katt Williams is one fine, very talented brother. All he needs is a microphone and a stool to work his comedic magic. Now, if he could only get his personal life in check... * Chris Brown - Please Shut Up! Do what you do best - create and perform music. * I think the Ped Egg is one of the greatest inventions in this Millenium. It really does what it says it does! * I believe that every high school student should be required to take a CPR class before graduation  * I believe that the use of cell phones and text messaging while driving a car, van, suv, etc. should be banned. Too many people are losing control of their vehicle because they are unsuccessfully trying to multi-task, and are too distracted on the cell phone to notice they have just run off the road and into a house. People: Pull over and make your calls and text messages! I'd like to have a fighting chance of making it home every day. * Creative inspiration is difficult to find, but once it lands, it is a beautiful thing to have. * I believe that there should be a law that no one is allowed to get married until they are 29 years old. The level of maturity and sense of responsibility just isn't there before that time. Let people grow up and have their fun before they settle down to a spouse and kids. * Whenever you get in bed with the Devil, he's going to want sex. * A drunk man speaks a sober mind. * Credit cards are financial slavery. * If the only way you choose to refer to your man is "Mother Fucker", then you need another man. * If your man wants to make love, and your response is, "Fine. Let's get this over with", then your relationship has a problem. * The absolutely worst time to take any test is when you have explosive diarrhea. * If someone tells you he or she will pay back your personal loan or their rent with their income tax refund, kiss your money good-bye. It almost never happens. * Poetry doesn't have to be complicated. It just has to touch your heart. * If you have been living with your lover for more than two years, and he or she still does not want to get married, and you do, even if you have an engagement ring, you might as well move out. That person is still waiting for someone better to come along. If you want to test it, insist on a wedding date, and see the stuttering and 'explanations' begin.

The Jerry Springer Show

I watched about 20 minutes of an episode titled "Fighting Ferocious Females". Long story short, two prostitutes were encouraged by the audience to "fight like a whore!" over their pimp, while a boxing bell rang loudly. Good television shows are dropped on a regular basis. It is no longer enough to say that the Jerry Springer Show is on because "it fills an hour". Women are regularly debased, dared to climb a stripper pole, encouraged to show their bare breasts, and fight each other over some guy who looks like he should be anywhere but on that show. The audience is allowed to say whatever crude, lewd, disgusting thing to the participants. Why is this show still on the air?

Nice Consumer Web Sites

The Six Month Rule

I am a strong proponent of the "Six-Month Rule". It says that if a romantic relationship can hold up for six consecutive months, it may have a good chance of long-term survival. No one should move in with anyone until the six month period has passed. If you do, you could accelerate too fast for the relationship to develop and bond. Moving in together too soon is one of the main reasons why relationships fail. It is also dangerous, if your lover has anger management, stalking, or infidelity issues. Take time to get to know your lover as a person before you jump in bed with him or her. What annoys him? What about him/her annoys you? Insist that each of you take an HIV test before having sex. You'll never regret taking the test. HIV is a lifelong regret. It's easier to break up with a person and each stay in their own apartment, than to move in together, then have to find another apartment so you can move out. I believe that a couple should wait six months before co-habitating.

Behavior That Drives Me Crazy

Men (usually) who come to work first thing in the morning with dirty fingernails. Did they have to plow a field before going to work? Did they wash up, and if they did, how did their hands get missed? Was soap and water used? This really baffles me. I always wonder if they have a wife or girlfriend. If he does, what is wrong with her? She should check her man's hands and look behind his ears every day before he is allowed to leave the house. Obviously, the man needs attention and a wash cloth. People who cut a line, then pretend they didn't realize they were cutting ahead of everyone else. If you don't say anything, they get away with it over and over again. This is why we have guard rails at places like Burger King, the bank, etc. to keep the unruly and rude people in check. People who sit on the outside seat on the bus. Then when you want to sit down, get all huffy that they have to get up to let me in. Why should I stand up, when they are taking up two seats? Scoot Over! People who get on the escalator, then try to walk up like they are stairs. They get upset at those who want to merely stand on the escalator and let it carry them upstairs. Hey, Buddy, if you want to walk up some stairs, stay off the escalators! People who shake hands like a limp tissue. You try to grip on, but there's nothing there but skin. If you're not paying attention to the hand shake, you could accidently break bones in the other person's fingers. 6. People who hate their jobs, work with the public, and take their negative attitude out on me drive me crazy. I'm just looking for some service, not your attitude. If you hate your job, get another one! Don't just sit on your behind and make life miserable for everyone around you. Get a Better Life. But until you do, keep your bad attitude, your disrespectful tone of voice, and your eye-rolling to yourself, thank you. 7. People who get on the bus or train, then talk on their cell phone like they are at home. Especially theignorant ones who swear and loud talk about who shot John, and what she's going to do to him when she gets home. Then you you stare at them, they look at you like you're the crazy one. Well, if you are going to talk so loud so that I can hear all your business, then I damn well am going to listen!

Familiarity Breeds Contempt

A representative from a credit card company called me the other day. He very politely asked for me by name. My first and last name was used. Once I stated he was talking to the person he called, he proceeded to discuss an overdue bill, one that I had already paid. No problem. Suddenly, I noticed he was referring to me by my first name. Mind you, he had initially introduced himself by his first and last name. Still, he felt comfortable enough to believe we were on such good terms, that he could be familiar with me. I finished the conversation very quickly. When I hung up, I was angry. Just because I owed a bill was no reason for him to automatically call me out of my name. He did not know me at all. Maybe I’m old fashioned, but I do not like a stranger to address me by my first name. I do not know why a person who has never met me, nor even seen me in person, would start a conversation by calling me by my first name. I firmly believe that only certain types of people will do this. I started to notice this when I first entered the middle management side of business. I originally thought that perhaps it could be a cultural thing. I know for example, that in certain male dominated cultures, a man will refer to a woman by her first name. For the man, he does not have the respect for a woman in the sense that she is not considered his equal. Therefore, he believes he can be socially familiar, even in a business setting. In the book and TV miniseries ‘Roots’, the African slave Kunta Kinte was forced to have his given name changed completely. He was beaten and whipped until he submitted to his new, more Americanized name of Toby. By the stroke of the whip, his culture and familiar heritage was wiped away through his name change. In the nineteenth century in the United States, a white person did not have to respect any black person at all. Last names were those of the slave master. The first name was also given by the slave master at birth, and recorded in his journal of properties. He named you, and he could call you as he wished. African Americans were always referred to in the first person (“Come here, Bertha”), while slaves were required to either “Yes, Sir” the person, or preferably say, “Yes, Sir, Mr. Rhodes”. In the fifties, the comedian Jack Benny and Rochester had a similar understanding of each one’s role. Jack called his valet by his first name of Rochester, while Eddie Anderson (his real name) called his employer Mr. Benny. Rochester was allowed to banter insults and make jokes at Jack Benny, as long as he maintained his place in the culture of that era. Outside of the United States, there are other cultures that historically consider being respectful of a woman as mandatory. In some cultures, such as Japan, age is considered worthy of respect. One would never think of calling a 90-year old woman “Sally”. She would be referred to by her last name, either prefaced by Miss or Mrs., or at least called Ms. Sally. In business, it is considered a formality to call a person by his or her last name. Businessmen and women know that the formalities of corporate etiquette are critical in successful business communications. A faux pas in the manner in which one communicates with another at different levels of the corporate hierarchy could keep one from climbing the corporate ladder. Apart from the corporate hierarchy, familiarity in communication is a symbol of status, power, and ones’ place in the world. There are those who would judge a person who uses first names casually at the same level as a person who murders the English language by saying, for example, the word “irregardless”, instead of “regardless”. Some people can get away with being familiar from the start. Still, even those who have been well brought up will ask for permission. That’s why they are usually leaders. Once introduced, the person is always referred to by the last name until given permission. “Oh, you can call me Robert” one would say. If you were granted such an honor, it was and is a symbol that you have the respect of the person. Think about employees who automatically call their boss Mr.. Smith, or “Boss”. Do you remember the first time your boss allowed you to call him (or her) by his/her first name? Remember how everyone else reacted when you referred to your boss by his first name to his face? I admit that once a person has decided to become familiar with me without my permission, the level of conversation has changed for me. The respect I may choose to give that person may change by what level of respect the person has chosen to give me. By familiarizing him or herself with me, especially in a formal setting, it causes me to believe that the person has already made a decision about how we will work together. I usually find that I am correct. Their subsequent behavior usually follows the pattern of their instant familiarity with me. That is why I will correct them immediately. No sense in encouraging bad behavior from the start. To me, my first name is a personal point of boundary. It is as personal as my physical space. I believe that when one violates formality, the same if a person were to violate my personal space, that person should be corrected. I also have a strong pet peeve about others taking my name in vain. “My name is Carolyn, not Carol.” I only allow my family or people I consider very close friends to call me Carol. My family and very close friends are very aware of this policy. In fact, when they hear someone outside of the family refer to me as Carol, and I do not correct the person, they automatically know the person’s status with me. There are people who do not know they are being rude when they shorten your name. Why should anyone think a person likes having their name shortened, or given a nickname without their permission? If a man always refers to himself as Anthony, one should not automatically refer to him as Tony. That could be a fighting word for all you know. Ask, “Do they call you Tony?” That would be nice. Ask permission for a change. Some parents have attempted to circumvent the nickname phenomenon. I know a Chris (not Christine), a Tony (not an Anthony), a Bill (not a William). They have the opposite problem. When Tony, for example, receives correspondence, he usually finds his name as been lengthened to Anthony. As if he did not realize that his name is been abbreviated on purpose. By the way, I always cringe inside when my family or friends call me Carol. But, allowing that level of familiarity is okay when it comes from family. You know they do so out of love. And they know that you allow the nickname out of love. “I can call her something no one else can. So There!” I know there are those of you who think I am making way much too much over this. You probably do not have a name that has been changed into an abbreviation. At least now you are aware that for some of us, familiarity does not breed content, but contempt. So, the next time, before you try to become prematurely personal with a stranger by calling her Sue or Bev, think, “Do I feel lucky today? Or, should I play it safe, and ask permission before I become familiar with this person?” You might actually find yourself at a higher level of communication and cooperation if you ask permission first.

Even Steven

I don't like people who do things for me as a favor, then remind me that I "owe" them later on when they want something. Invariably, what they also want is for you to do something that is entirely out of proportion to what they did for you. If you helped me get a bank loan because you knew a person who could be helpful to me, then I shouldn't have to drive the getaway car when you want to do a bank robbery. The two favors aren't equal in scope.

Keep Your Kids Close By

I was in a health center the other day. As I sat in the waiting room, I made eye contact with a toddler, about 14 months old, sitting near me on the same bench. She was a cute little child, with a smile like an angel, and pretty eyes that glistened. We connected immediately, as I waved to her, and she waved back, smiling the entire time. Her mother, who was holding the toddler in her arms, was happy as she watched the two of us play. She was called into another room, and I waved good-bye to the baby in pink as they disappeared. I stayed in the waiting room area. Soon, after, I saw the baby leave the room where her mother was, and start to roam around the hallway. We've seen this all the time; a baby escapes from his or her mother's arms, and wanders around to amuse him or herself. We adults simply regale in their glow. We laugh and smile as the baby falls, laughs afterwards, gets up, and starts to wander around some more, until the mother comes and collects her charge. What bothered me was that the toddler started to head in my direction, smiling all the way. I smiled back as she tentatively worked her way toward me. She stopped at one point next to a chair, and stood by it, all the time checking me out. I could see in her eyes that she was trying to decide if I was acceptable for her to approach further. She wanted to, as we had a positive experience earlier in the waiting room. My prayers that the mother would show up soon were answered, as she discovered her baby was out in the hallway, and went to collect her. The mother smiled at me as she picked up her gorgeous child, and they went back into the room. The baby waved her little hand to me as she left. I was frightened at the thought that in those few minutes, that baby could have been abducted. What if I wasn't such a 'nice' person? What if I was a predator, or a kidnapper, or even a pedophile? I could have easily walked off with the child. The scenario I just described could have turned into a nightmare. It gave me goose bumps of fear. I am not a parent, but I see parents straddle the delicate line between being a nice person, by allowing strangers to have casual contact with their children, and being a little wary about strangers interested in their children. Lord knows, how a mother or father can tell the difference between a good person and an evil one is beyond me. My primary point, to get back to what I really wanted to say, is that the baby would have gone with me. If we had just a few more minutes together, I know that toddler would have gotten over her initial fear of me, and come to me. That recognition scared the living daylights out of me. Parents, keep your children close to you. Don't let them roam around somewhere where you can't see them. This is how children get kidnapped. A simple, friendly gesture could actually mask a hideous monster out to get your baby. I salute every person who is a parent, as these are dangerous times. Those of you who can manage to raise a child to adulthood intact have my deep respect. Keep your children close. Just My Opinion.